


Cute Skeletons

by Maniacal_Meeka



Series: The Manic Skeleton Adventures [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Attempted Suicide, Consensual prostitution, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Love Triangle, M/M, Minor Injuries, Prostitution, Ramen, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicide mention, and the fangirls start to squee, cuddles are promised, cuddles are recived, cute relationship, edge gets picked up, flying swings, i am fangirls, i love these two, like tiny scrapes, lotta fluff, not paps tho, successful suicide, suck it you lowercase bitch, this time its sans who dies for paps development
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:01:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28183578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maniacal_Meeka/pseuds/Maniacal_Meeka
Summary: Ok I'm sorry. This has been a wild ride, but I've split this fic into two fics in the same universe.  Some of the more tangential Spicyhoney is now in its own fic.  This was done so that the fic could be more focused.  anyhoo I hope you enjoy the story.That story being.  Edge and Stretch are a happy couple, being all lovey and shit.  It's cute.  However Slim wants a piece of that spicy ass but also doesn't want to be a horrible person in the process. Follow these idiots as they try not to destroy every relationship they're a part of.
Relationships: Papcest, Papyrus & Papyrus (Undertale), Papyrus/Papyrus (Undertale), Spicyhoney
Series: The Manic Skeleton Adventures [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075490
Comments: 16
Kudos: 19





	1. I Am Afraid Of Those Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edge has seen some shit, and when he stays up three nights in a row, sometimes he sees that shit again. Good thing he's got Stretch around huh?

It was late, he knew that. But fuck it, there was a deadline due in a couple days that wouldn't be met if Edge didn’t pull at least one more all nighter. Furiously filling out reports got surprisingly exhausting after a while though, and the last three days without sleep were finally catching up to him. 

Taking his eyelights off the paper for a moment proved to be a mistake however. As soon as he looked up he saw very little around the room. The kitchen was dark, and he couldn't see much past the mountain of forms scattered about the table. Stretch was asleep upstairs and so Edge had left the lights off so as not to disturb the infamously light sleeper. Due to his consideration for his lover the only light edge had to see by was that produced by his eyelights. But that light was fading quickly due to his exhaustion. Trying to take his mind off the darkening room, Edge returned to his paperwork. But after a few minutes the words started to blur more than was normal for his already poor vision. 

Looking up once again Edge saw something. Not just the shadows morphing into faces, or tendrils that reached just shy of his form like usual though. This time… he saw something impossible. Everything was fuzzier than normal and quickly getting fuzzier but Edge would recognize that silhouette anywhere. “Blue?” Edge hoped upon hope that this was one of the sanses playing some kind of sick joke, “Vanilla?” still no response from the chilling figure standing not 3 yards away, “B-Black?” This kind of prank was low, for any sans to pull, and with the lack of response Edge was beginning to fear that the prankster this time was his own fucked up psyche. Taking a deep breath, ignoring the fact he could barely see at this point, and steeling himself for what would come next Edge spoke firmly, “Brother.” It wasn't a question this time, it was an acknowledgment, an invitation for whatever this was to get itself over with. “Heh, wuzza matta baby bro?” Edge flinched away as his brother took a shortcut directly to his side only to be cut short as he was grabbed by the scarf and forced to look him in the socket. “Y O U L O O K L I K E Y O U ‘ V E S E E N A G H O S T” As the final nail in the coffin, Red yanked his brother to his knees and embraced him. All the while Edge is rattling so hard his bones might bruise, he has carnelian tears running down his scarred face, his eyelights are out, and his expression is blank. “don’ cry lil bro, i gotcha… and im not goin’ anywhere this time.”

“Liar.” Edge spat weakly, “You aren’t real and I know you wont stay…” He hugged the apparition tighter despite his harsh words, “You’re gone. You left me, I had to find a new reason to go on after you took everything I lived for away.” Edge let out a broken sob as he clutched what he knew, what he prayed, was not real. “heh, I know baby bro, i’m the asshole. but hey, i didn’ leave ya all alone, ya got stringbean upstairs after all” 

“You are damn lucky he stepped in you piece of shit, or I would have followed right after you. You know that right? I almost left too, after I found your d- After I’d realized you weren't coming back I was about to go too. I-I was ready to go when…”

Kneeling in a pile of his brother's dust, stained pink with all his tears, the younger brother held a bone spear right above his soul, ready to end it all, ready to pierce the soft organ and join his brother, what more was left for him now? What did he have to work toward? His entire life had been focused on keeping his brother healthy, safe, and alive. But now he was gone, he had failed at the one job that really mattered. His brother was dead and it was all his fault. He knelt there for hours, wallowing in self hatred, building up the strength to do it, he wasn't sure just how much time passed but eventually his front door opened and he was tackled to the floor. His bone spear dissipated but other than that nothing changed, he still felt empty, he still felt broken, he had still failed. 

But suddenly wave after wave of / _support/ /care/ /love/_ Was being fed into his soul, enough to start a fresh wave of tears as the projections shifted and strengthened _/SUPPORT/ /CHERISHMENT/ /LOVE/ /DONT GO/ /DONT LEAVE/ /I LOVE YOU/ /I LOVE YOU/ /I LOVE YOU/_ It was at this moment Edge realized he hadn’t been tackled, he had been hugged and was currently being drowned in positive projections the likes of which he had never felt. “It’s ok, we’ll get through this, please don't leave, i'm sorry this happened, but we’ll get through it together, it'll be ok i promise I Promise, _I P R O M I S E_ ”

“But he was there for me and I...” 

“Heh, good to know i left you in good hands lil bro, live a good one for me yeah?” The apparition hugged Edge tighter, then left a gentle clack on his forehead. “Oh and one more thing, do me a favor and wake up?” 

Edge shot bolt upright accidentally smacking Stretch’s face in the process. “Whoa! Cool it there hot stuff, it's just me- WHAAA!” Faster that Stretch could think he had been pulled into a bone crushing hug by his clearly frazzled partner. Along with the usual red bags under his sockets that came from a night spent slumped over at the kitchen table, Edge had red tear tracks staining his face, and an expression akin to that of a kicked puppy who just watched its family get murdered. “Ok Edgelord, I think we’re going to go to our room...” Stretch resolutely scooped up his prickly lover and started carrying him up to their bedroom, “build the best blanket fort ever conceived...” The lanky skeleton clanked his distressed lover on the skull in an attempt to sooth his shot nerves, “And then we're gonna cuddle and nap the day away, with breaks in between for food and water... Capiche?” Edge, looking just as small as that terrible night all those years ago, clutching onto stretches hoodie like he’d shortcut away any second nodded slowly and mumbled, “can we shower first? You smell like ass.” Stretch cracked a crooked smile as he watched the love of his life proceed to bury his nasal cavity into his chest, and let out a soft breathy laugh, “heh, of course we can precious! Come on, let's get these lazybones in working order huh?” despite himself Edge let out a soft chuckle as he hugged his beloved tighter, 

“Thanks Honeypot”


	2. Ooops I Did It Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stretch is a bit of a dare-devil/idiot. This is the fallout.

“Are you stupid, or just a dumass?

Edge massaged his temples as he assessed the stupidly self inflicted damage from one of Stretch's little… _outings_ . “Look Edge, how was I supposed to know that undoing the little safety bar for the flying swings was a bad idea?” Stretch winced as Edge applied the anti-bacterial spray to his various cuts and scrapes. “I’m just happy you landed in a bush and _SOMEHOW_ managed to avoid any serious injuries.” The wannabe daredevil winked, “What can I say? When it comes to getting hurt but not dying, I’m a pro” 

“Lucky me I guess” Edge sighed as he sat up to inspect his work, which was flawless as usual, “Yeah, lucky you, now come here! Doctor Edge, I need some feel better kisses and numbing cuddles” 

“You’re a little brat, you know that right?” Edge clacked the goober on the cheekbone, “I know, that you wouldn't have me any other way, now hush! It's silent cuddle time.” And with that the two skeletons cuddled on the couch for the next half an hour.

“I’m hungry.”

“Mmphm, thas ur probem edgelrd” Stretch hugged Edge tighter, sending an obvious message. “Babe, let me go.”

“Mmm nu, ur warm” Edge let out a very put upon sigh, “Can you at least spell your words correctly, I refuse to listen to you speak in text slang. It’s obnoxious.” Now it was Stretch's turn to sigh, “Fine fine you frigin grammar nazi, and because I love you, I’ll let you go make some food for us” 

“Oh how gracious of you” edge smiled despite himself as Stretch opened his hoodie clad arms. “BUT!! You owe me payment in the form of food with honey on it.” Stretch then pointed dramatically toward the kitchen, “NOW GO! Before I change my mind” Stretch’s latest attempt at anything resembling intimidation got Edges attention. “Nice try _honey bun_ but…” The dark skeleton’s voice seemed to drop about three octaves as he loomed over his datemate “You need physical proximity to gain the full effect” He placed his hands on either side of Stretch's skull and leaned in close to his acoustic meatus “don’t challenge the master cutie” 

It was then that Edge received a couch pillow to the face, courtesy of Stretch, “cool off spicypants, this cutie is hungry so make us some food and maybe then we’ll have dessert. Edge stood up and walked to the kitchen “You know, I’d have you cook if I was in the mood for breakfast, but unfortunately it's 4pm and I want ramen.” 

“Haha! Once again being a one trick pony comes in handy! Stretch: 1 universe: 0”

“We both know you only mastered breakfast foods because they're the easiest thing to put honey on without creating an abomination.” Stretch shrugged, “What can I say? I know what I like and papyrus’s like to cook” Edge couldn't fault him on that logic, whether it be CreamPuff’s Italian dishes, Slim’s barbeque, Stretch’s breakfasts, or his own tendency towards spicy foods, every papyrus had their own cooking style. Meanwhile in sans land they all had their own field of study, whether that be Sans’s astronomy, Blue’s rocket science, Red’s astrophysics, or Razz’s study into the black hole, they all had their own variation of stellar science. 

“The slight variation on our interests is definitely the most unsettling part of the whole multiversal collision” Edge declared as he brought out some beef ramen served in their two largest mugs with a set of chopsticks each. “Yeah, right next to all the societal debates on “is it ok to date your alternate self?” and “doesnt that technically count as incest?” and “does selfcest create deformed offspring?” my goodness it was fun to watch the humans work that out.” Edge rolled his eyes, “What do you mean _was_ they're still going at it aren't they?” 

“Ehh, I stopped following human politics shortly after I got a life, shits confusing, depressing, and it makes me angry.” Edge leaned against Stretch’s shoulder resting his head softly against the other, “Good to hear hun, do what makes you happy.” Stretch was about to start joking when Edge cut him off, “Unless what makes you happy is injuring yourself again.” 

“Darn” Stretch snapped his phalanges, “I was kinda hoping you had forgotten about that” The other laughed, “You didn’t really think you'd get off that easy did you?” Edge chuckled as he slowly tipped the other over until they were lying down with Edge’s head on Stretch’s chest, “Now sleep and get better or so help me god I’ll strap you down and get a gps chip installed in your neck.” 

Stretch looked at how tightly the smaller skeleton was holding him and began to think _shit, he was really worried wasn't he, fuck I'm such a dick, why can’t I just be normal? You deserve so much better babe._ Stretch ran the tips of his phalanges along Edges coronal sutures as his thoughts spiraled, “Stop over thinking, and go to sleep you lazy ass love of my life” Stretch’s sockets went wide, “how did you…?”

“You only rub my sutures when you think you’ve been a bitch, or after you've fucked me into next week, and yes you have been a bitch but I’m over it so focus on getting better and nap with me” 

That was all the convincing Stretch needed to grab his lover, flip their positions and snuggle him like the big teddy bear he is, “You’re right spiky, I’ll turn off the old thinker for a bit, just for you.” And with that the two finished their Sunday evening feeling cozy and loved. All was as it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna see more, let me know! If you have suggestions please leave them in the comments! I may or may not make them into a chapter :)


	3. Shopping Trip!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slim and Stretch go shopping for the perfect gift for Edge.

As Stretch scoured the internet for the perfect thing, Slim kept him from slamming into walls as they wandered around the shopping center. “you know, you might have more luck finding him a birthday gift if you looked up now and again…”   
“That’s why I have you, bonehead. Now stop distracting me and keep your sockets peeled.” Slim rolled his eyelights and kept looking for stores that fit the edgelords aesthetic. “We could pop into the Spencers… I hear they have some… fun stuff for couples towards the back of the store.” Stretch looked at Slim with wide sockets. Then they both flushed marigold and mulberry respectively “Maybe not” They said in unison as the two pointedly looked away from each other.

There was about ten minutes of silence afterwards where neither skeleton had the want nor need to say anything. That was, until Slim spotted the perfect place. “Dude… This is perfect… Hot topic is having a clearance sale on all their Halloween hoodies, that shit’s right up both yours and Edge's alleys!” Slim grabbed the other’s wrist and started dragging him towards the store. An impressive feat as Stretch was 6’8” and slim barely reached 5’10” 

“Woah there plum pants, slow down! I almost dropped my phone” 

“Shut up you overgrown Cheeto, and look at this!” Slim finally stopped pulling on Stretch’s arm only to grab a hoodie and show it to him. It was simple enough, It was all black with a white design of an adorable little skeleton cat on the front. “Oh my fucking god…” Stretch covered his mouth with his hands as he took in the adorable item of clothing before him, “It’s purrfect, I’m sure he’ll love it” Slim snickered, “Of course he’ll love it, now if you wanna sweeten the pot a little…” slim held up a headband, it was all black and nothing really special, until you got to the two gold cat ears at the top. Upon noticing those Stretch squeed like a pre-teen girl, snatched both items, and paid for them both faster than the wink of a socket.

As the two left the store Slim elbowed the other in the ribs, “Sooo… because I found the gift you owe me lunch. Those were the rules of our little deal so pay up.”

“After this find, I’d be willing buy you the entirety of GameStop you lilac bastard.” Slims sockets filled with dark purple sparkles and hearts as he considered the possibilities, “Not literally dufus. But I will take you wherever you wanna go for lunch, so pick a place.”

After a great lunch at the best burger joint in the city, Stretch dropped Slim off at his apartment. “Thanks again for the help Purp-a-derp! Don’t know what I’d do without you!”

“Haha! Probably be a terrible boyfriend if we’re honest! Now go home and wrap those bitches before Edge gets home you lovesick fuck!” And with that Stretch waved goodbye and drove home leaving Slim to his thoughts. _Fucking hell I can’t wait for that fucking birthday party… seeing Edge in that oversized hoodie and cat ears will fuel my alone time fantasies for months._ As soon as he realized what he was thinking Slim slapped himself in the face and said aloud “SHUT UP! Seriously slim Jim what the fuck? That's your best friend's boyfriend. Also known as OFF LIMITS!!” Yet even as he said it, Slim knew those thoughts wouldn’t go away, he’d tried suppressing them for months. Then he gave in ONE TIME and suddenly it’s been a thousand times harder to keep Edge off his mind.

He’d just have to keep trying, Stretch was so happy, hell, Edge was so happy. And Slim was NOT going to ruin that for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha, you ever fall in love with someone, only for them to fall for your best friend instead of you? haha Slim has no idea what THAT'S like. Anyone who does must be a real sad sack of shit huh? especially if they refuse to move on and retain an unhealthy fixation on that person. haha man, Slim sure would hate to be THAT guy. haha...
> 
> (ps. This chapter introducing Slim was almost a LOT more fucked up and terrible, so I'd like y'all to thank my little sister for unknowingly talking me out of doing that and you getting this as a replacement.)


	4. Two Idiots Walk Into A Chuck E. Cheese's

“OH MY GOD YOU LOVE HIM DON’T YOU?!?!” CreamPuff exclaimed, “And after all this time I thought you were scared of the guy… which I suppose wouldn’t be an incorrect way to describe the situation…” Slim was laying face down on the table with his hands over his skull, “Can you maybe, NOT scream that so loud? Believe it or not, but I didn’t want to talk to you about this **_secret_ **so you could shout it to the high heavens.” CreamPuff flushed a sunset orange as his posture hunched in embarrassment.

“Sorry Slim, its just… wow, I would not want to be in your shoes right now” The other sighed as loudly as he was able, “RIGHT?!?! Like, what am I supposed to do?!?! I can’t get him off my mind, he’s all I think about.” Slim sits up and rests his skull in his hands, “And the worst part is I can’t even say I wanna stop feeling this way.” He peeked at the other from between his fingers, “Do you think Edge and Stretch would be open to forming a polycule?” CreamPuff arched a brow skeptically, “Considering it took those two five years of flirting and insults to get together, and the fact that Edge has the emotional intelligence of my brother’s pet rock, I highly doubt it” He tapped his chin, “Also stretch has a nasty jealous streak in him so it probably wouldn't end well even if they _did_ want to try it.” 

Slim leaned back in his chair, “Way to crush my nonexistent hopes jackass” 

“Hey, you asked me to give you advice, not coddle your feelings. And watch your language, there are children present” CreamPuff gestured towards the group of shouting toddlers celebrating a birthday not ten feet away, “Honestly, why you choose Chuck E. Cheese’s for all of our “I’m trash at living my life drama free talks” I have no Idea” Slim squinted at the cartoon mouse on his soda cup, “What can I say? the food is cheap, and whack-a-mole is a good stress reliever.” 

“You keep saying that, but I'm still not convinced you don't commando crawl through the playplace after I leave”

“I guess that will remain a mystery then” With a shrug Slim decided it was time to get back on topic. “Anyway, that’s not why I called you here.” Slim tented his phalanges, “I have a few solutions to my current predicament, and I need your help choosing the best one” CreamPuff’s expression hardened as he listened, “One: I kill myself” 

“Not an option, next solution?” Slim rolled his mulberry eyelights, “Two I wait for them to break up and then swoop in and date Edge once he’s fair game.”

“I think you mean _IF_ they break up, and also don't refer to Edge as “fair game” that’s very disrespectful.” He rubbed his nasal ridge, “Final issue with that idea, you have no idea how long that will take, those two have been together for months now and they only seem to be falling further in love. So good luck with that.”

“Yeah…. I know…” There was a very long pause between the two as Slim though of his next idea, “Three: I admit my feelings to Edge and see what happens” 

“That one is full of angel only knows how many unknowns…”

“Aaaand finally: I could sleep with someone who looks like Edge in the hopes it will satisfy my curiosity and finally allow me to let this go.” CreamPuff’s face lost what little color it had as he blanched. People may see him as one of the dimmer papiri but CreamPuff really hoped that Slim didn't think he was so stupid he didn’t catch that little hint.

“I beg your pardon Slim, but are you suggesting what I think you are?” 

“What, that you dress like Edge and let me fuck you silly as a favor?" Slim glared at the Skeleton across the table, "No, I’m hoping that you know a hooker who looks almost exactly like the guy.” Once again, Slim rolled his eyelights. But much to his surprise, CreamPuff actually perked up at that, 

“Oh, ok if that’s all you want, here.” He produced an orange glitter pen and began writing something on a napkin, “Call this number, say that Puff gave it to you and he should at least hear you out. Aside from taking basic safety precautions the guy doesn't ask too many questions so he should be perfect!” Slim’s mouth was hanging open as CreamPuff slid the napkin across the table, “D-dude… What the fuck?” CreamPuff raised a brow, “I was being sarcastic Puff! I wasn’t actually looking to fuck a hooker!” 

Now it was the other’s turn to roll his eyelights, “Well, I don’t really care. I’m not doing it no matter how desperate you have to have been to even _**ASK**_ that of me," His face scrunched up in disgust, "sex is gross. Fortunately for you, unlike me, Cabernet actually likes that kind of stuff. In his home universe he was a high-class sweetpeice. He found honor in his work and sometimes he misses it, so from time to time he’ll help out a monster in need so to speak.” Slim couldn't believe the amount of fellverse lingo that was coming out of CreamPuff’s taleverse mouth, he knew the guy wasn't nearly as innocent as he let on but Slim would never have guessed he had _THIS_ much of a dark side to him. “Is that how you met him?” Slim asked reluctantly, “Well it’d certainly be none of your business if I **_had_ **, but no. For your information we met at a book club held at the library every other Thursday. We hit it off and now I make a point to hang out with him every now and again” 

Slim studied the number in his hand for what felt like a very long moment, “And your sure he’ll help me out?” CreamPuff scoffed, “No, I’m not sure. He’s a free monster just like any other and if he doesn't want to help you he certainly doesn't have to. But if anyone is going to, it’s him.” He leaned in grabbing Slim’s collar, “And if you try to make him do _anything_ he’s not ok with, if you take him ONE HAIR outside his comfort zone…” CreamPuff’s usually bright eyelights went out completely as he stared into Slim’s, “N O O N E W I L L F I N D Y O U R D U S T”

With that CreamPuff released Slim, left some money on the table and stood up, “Well, this was a lovely chat as always Slim, Good luck with your problem and have a nice day.” The other walked out of the restaurant leaving a shell-shocked Slim sitting in the booth holding a now crumpled up napkin in his hands, 

“Cabernet…”

Slim tucked the napkin into his pocket, finished his pizza and left the Chuck E. Cheese’s. He had a lot to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know jack about wine, Cabernet is pronounced Cabernae.
> 
> Headcannon time!
> 
> Og Papyrus (CreamPuff) is asexual, but still a hopeless romantic nonetheless.
> 
> He presents himself as a normal dude but has a disturbing amount of connections in the "darker" side of the world. This ranges from being (in his words) "friends" with anyone from hookers, to drug lords. It is actually a disturbingly small portion of his friends that would be considered "upstanding citizens".
> 
> None of his "normal" friends actually know how deep his ties go, in fact, no one does except for him.
> 
> Long story short, if you need something of questionable legality done... Ask CreamPuff, He'll probably be able to help in one way or another.
> 
> (also I refuse to write any Papyrus as speaking exclusively in all caps, I find that to be an annoying quirk of this fandom and I refuse to contribute to that. All caps is reserved for shouting/screming/speaking intensely ONLY.)


	5. Cabernet's World Now Bitches....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not the best but here's Cabernet. I love him don't judge me


	6. Champagne, Piano, Rumination, and Alfredo

It had been a lovely evening so far, Cabernet was currently drinking his beverage of choice, champagne, and playing the piano. He wasn’t playing any song in particular, just something to occupy his hands whilst he ruminated on his day. His brother, was currently working on his latest magical weapon of mass destruction, mad scientists, honestly. While he loved his brother, Cabernet wished he’d stop dreaming of explosions and get a job. 

But that was neither here nor there. Back to thinking about his day. Cabernet had met up with Puffs today, and those days were always pleasant. This time, they had chosen to stroll the botanical gardens together while discussing some of the recent developments in their respective social circles. No they weren’t gossiping, that's trashy, they were simply updating one another on... no fuck it they were gossiping like southern housewives. 

“How are Edge and Stretch by the way? No trouble in paradise I assume?” He gave his friend an audible wink, “Oh My God! You have no idea! They are soo cute together still, It’s almost sickening sometimes” The two giggled for a moment but soon quieted down and enjoyed the beauty of the gardens in silence for a bit. At some point they made it to the reason they’d decided to come here. A ten foot tall hedge in the shape of a skull, decorated for dia de los muertos. There was a rainbow of flowers all over it, some mimicking the look of paint and others simply representing themselves. With the petals glistening with water droplets leftover from the mid morning sprinklers, it was truly a sight to behold. 

“However… There is some trouble brewing on the horizon for those two…” 

“Oho?” Cabernet’s interest was piqued, “Yes. You remember my friend Slim yes?” The other though for a moment, “Purple magic, laid-back attitude, kinda short, right?” 

“Heh, got it in one. Anyway, apparently you were right, he has a crush on Edge.” Cabernet gasped, “Oh no! Poor thing~! Please tell me he’s handling it well?” Puff laughed, “If by handling it well you mean one lust driven homicide away from a yandere.”

“Ohhh… Slim baby… that's not good”

“Duh Huh, ya think? I didn’t really know how to correct him so...” 

The shorter skeleton squinted his sockets up at Puff, “Did you give him my number?” 

“Maybe…” Puff averted eye contact as best he could. “And what did you tell him about me?” While he was 4 inches shorter than the other, Cabernet was currently proving why that meant nothing as he stared down CreamPuff. “I told him that you’d listen to what he has to say and that you might be dtf” Puff cringed as he waited for Cabernet's reaction but to his surprise no explosion occurred. 

“Fair enough” He shrugged, “Let me guess, he wanted to bang someone who looks like Edge?” 

“Yep.”

“Hooo boy this kid needs guidance…” Puff gesticulated wildly, “THAT’S WHAT I KEEP SAYING. BUT WILL HIS BROTHER LISTEN?!?! NOOOO. IT'S ALL LET HIM FIGURE IT OUT FOR HIMSELF THIS, AND DON'T STICK YOUR NASAL RIDGE WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG THAT…” He started to calm down upon noticing he was drawing unnecessary attention, “It’s like, hel-lo!! Your little brother is about to ruin a loving relationship because he doesn't understand how to cope with his feelings… DO SOMETHING!!!” Cabernet laughed, “Come on Puff, we both know most sans’s are crap at raising their brothers… What did you expect?”

“For this one to not just toss up his hands and let things play out? I guess I was asking for a bit much.”

Cabernet was snapped out of his ruminations by a pencil to the head, “What do you want brother?” Cabernet groaned, as he stopped playing the piano so he could turn to face the couch where his older brother currently resided. Said brother was now lying on his stomach with is feet kicking in the air as he sketched blueprints for torture devices, looking more like a preteen girl writing in her diary than a deranged scientist. “Just wonderin’ if you’re gonna make dinner or if I should order in for us.” Plasma responded. Cabernet thought for a moment, “Hmmm I could go for some alfredo, want to put something decent on and I’ll drive?” Spazma; as Cabernet liked to call him sometimes, Sprung up from the couch and ran to his room to get changed. “Hellyeahdontwaitup” 

“Heh, you got it, I’ll be in the car ya rabid fucking wolverine” With that, he began walking to his car,  _ UHHHHGGGG What the hell am I going to do about Slim?? There’s no way he’s going to forget about my number, it’s only a matter of time until he calls. God I wish I cared less sometimes. Damn you CreamPuff for getting me invested in Edge and Stretch’s relationship. Now I’m getting involved in a friend group I know everything about despite never meeting. Wow... I’ve gotta be careful what I say or he’ll think im a fucking stalker.  _

Once again, Cabernet was snapped out of his head but this time it’s because his ass of a brother was none so gently poking his skull. “Can you not, you spazz?” he swatted his hand away from his face.

“Heh, not my fault you're distracted...” Plasma paused for a moment, “Right? I didn't do something to tick you off did I?

The younger brother smiled, “No, Surprisingly it’s been awhile since you did anything to incur my wrath” 

“Then what’s the problem bro?” The shorter squinted up at him. “Drop it, I’m not in the mood to talk about this right now ok?” 

“It’s ok as long as you don't crash the car because you’re distracted” Plasma muttered.

“I’m not going to crash the car you dick. Anyway… Let's go, alfredo awaits!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you couldn't tell, Cabernet is classy incarnate. He's also one of the older skeleboys so he knows a thing or two about life and is happy to help others by passing on his knowledge. Also he FUCKS... like this dude FUCKS.
> 
> Plasma is his brother, he was the royal scientist back in the underground and being the royal scientist in a fell verse does things to a person's psyche so he's not all there in the head sometimes. However he's still a sans so it's not like hes going to go to the effort of kidnapping people to experiment on or anything, he'll just fantasize about it.


	7. This Plane Is Poggers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stretch gets in a plane to Cali, and the author definitely isn't setting anything up no sirry-bob

Stretch hugged Edge one final time at the security checkpoint, “See ya later Spikey” he whispered in his acoustic meatus. Stretch was off to visit his brother in Hawthorne California, where Blue had moved in order to be closer to his job at space x. The two made a point of visiting one another every two months so they wouldn’t become too distant from one another. Sometimes Edge would come along, but this time he was staying home so the brothers could have some much needed alone time. 

Edge was also excited to have some time to himself. Not that such a thing was rare, but it was another feeling entirely to have an entire week and a half to one’s self as opposed to a couple hours. Edge had plans to clean the entire house… and he meant the  _ entire house. _ He had rented a power-washer for the explicit purpose of cleaning the siding, as their once white house was now looking a dusty grey. 

Additionally the shutters were in desperate need of an update, they weren't even functional, what the hell kina psycho wants decorative shutters? More importantly, Edge was also planning to paint the bathroom, fix the lights in the basement and about a hundred other little home maintenance things he never really got around to doing when Stretch was home. The guy was just too distracting with his warm cuddles, good conversation, and soft voice.

Stretch on the other hand was looking forward to seeing his brother again, thanks to his job at the elementary school, he didn't get much time off during the school year. But now he had the entire Christmas break to spend time with Blue. They were gonna do so much! He had plans to go to the beach, see a fireworks show, and climb any surface that wasn't fenced off. Blue was responsible for that last one, even before the surface he liked being up high. That particular habit had led to more than a couple broken bones as the two were growing up, but fortunately Stretch was pretty gifted with healing magic, so his big brother was never out of commission for too long. 

Blue was an interesting sans. At first glance he seemed to be the opposite of the others, but upon closer inspection one could see the similarities. While he brought tireless enthusiasm wherever he went, Blue was also insanely good at not doing things. If he didn’t want to do something it wasn't going to happen. And if it needed to be done, he'd find a way to do it as quickly and with as little effort as possible. Sometimes Blue’s terrifyingly low effort efficiency was terrifying. Another similarity he had with other sans’ was that he could sleep anywhere. And Stretch meant it when he said anywhere. He’d found the other sleeping in trees, closets, under his bed, and even at his sentry station in a blizzard. And yet, he was never caught off guard, unlike other sans’ he could wake up fully in a matter of seconds and get right back into what he was doing before he nodded off. 

Yeah, Stretch missed his brother. And he was so stoked to see him again. And so he let go of Edge, and made his way through airport security.

Edge waived off his boyfriend, wishing him a nice flight and demanding that he be safe. As he began walking back to his car, Edge pondered if it would be against his better judgment to put bleach in the powerwasher.

Airport security was a bitch as always. But fortunately it was all a distant memory once Stretch had his sneakers back on. He made his way to the gate, arriving exactly a half hour early thanks to Edge’s perfect punctuality. So he sat down in a chair, plugged in his phone and started texting. Slim had sent him a message at around 4am wishing him a safe flight and a nice trip so Stretch responded to that one first.

Slim Jim: Have a good flight dude! Make sure you don't die in a fiery explosion for me k?

Honey Stick: Ha ha, Thanks for that image. I’ll make sure to do my very best to fly the plane correctly.

Slim Jim: Pfft- you'd better idk what Id do if you died, aside from take all the stuff you no doubt left me in your will.

Honey Stick: Jokes on you twerp, I left everything to my one true love… 

Slim Jim: Edge?

Honey Stick: No, my fuzzy bear slippers of course. 

Slim Jim: Note to self: learn how to forge legal documents.

Honey Stick: Don’t think you’re fooling anyone with that “learn” bullcrap we both know you sell fake IDs

Slim Jim: Caught red handed as usual

Honey Stick: Anyhoozle, I’ve gotta go, theyre calling for my boarding group and we both know as soon as I get on that plane my connection’s going to be ass.

Slim Jim: You know it, bby have fun on the plane!

Honey Stick: Got it, text ya later my little pogchamp.

Slim Jim: Scratch that last message, go die in a fire.

And with that Stretch put his phone away and prepared to board the plane.


	8. Slim... Baby... No.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edge has been home alone for a while, Stretch's flight has been rescheduled due to a snow storm an- OH HI SLIM FANCY MEETING YOU HERE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK. It's time to justify that Mature rating you see at the top there.
> 
> If you wish not to read some very sexual thoughts from one of our bois then please skip the paragraph that is encased in these ~~~~~
> 
> There will be a Pg rated summery of that paragraph underneath so that people who skip it will not be lost.
> 
> This felt necessary because this fic so far has been pretty sfw and I don't want to make people uncomfortable by catching them off guard.

It was a chilly December evening, the first snowstorm of the season was blowing violently outside. However from inside a house, those deadly temperatures and cutting winds made for lovely background noise as Edge worked in the kitchen. Stretch had been out of town visiting his brother for the past week and a half and was supposed to come home today. However after Blue had caught wind of the storm he insisted that Stretch reschedule his flight for a safer day. While Edge was all for keeping the honey roasted nut out of trouble, he was starting to miss his boyfriend. He had already cleaned the house till it glistened and while he still had a few odd jobs to do, Stretch would be gone for another two days. So Edge was trying his best to pace himself.

Alas, there was nothing to do about that but try and distract himself some other way. This was the explanation for the three course meal that had been prepared and was currently sitting on the counter waiting to be eaten. Unfortunately Edge wasn't hungry, nor did he think he would be any time soon. It was for that reason that he decided it would be a good idea to wrap everything up and watch some of the Cutthroat Kitchen episodes he had on DVR. (Don't let the name fool you, its not even half as "cutthroat" as MettaFell's old show) And that's just what he did. Fifteen minutes into the first episode however, there was a knock at the door. “Who in the blazes?...” Edge got up from the sofa, walked to the door and looked through the peep-hole. Only to slam the door open and yank the idiot on his stoop into the house. “Slim you absolute moron, what are you doing here?” 

Said skeleton had fallen face first on the floor, yet still responded, though muffled by the carpet, “Jeez ThotTopic, ya r-really know how to m-m-make a guy feel at home dontcha?” Slim rubbed the back of his neck as he stood up. “Also this has h-happened enough that I th-think you know the a-answer to that question.” Edge scowled at his impromptu houseguest and sighed, “You’ve got to stop drinking on the job you dolt. Lucky for you, you made it here before your tailbone froze off”

Slim shrugged off his coat and hung it on one of the hooks by the door. "Stretch didn't make it home today so unfortunately you are short one smoking buddy" Edge looked at how the snow that had frozen to Slim’s skull was melting into the poor guy’s sockets and his expression softened in sympathy, “I happen to have some leftovers from dinner that ought to help curb your hangover tomorrow. I'll go heat them up for you.” As Edge walked to the kitchen, Slim grabbed his arm, “h-Hey, uhh.” Edge turned to look at him only to find the other's face right in front of his own. They stayed that way for a bit, staring into each other's sockets, waiting for someone to make a move. It was Slim who broke the silence, finally releasing Edge and taking a step back, “Mind if I u-use your s-shower? I th-think my marrow could use s-s-some thawing after the walk over h-here.”

Edge sized up Slim warily, “Yes sure whatever, just make it quick and don’t use all the hot water.” Edge waved his hand dismissively as he continued toward the kitchen, leaving Slim to do his thing. He decided that making a plate with a little bit of everything would be best as Slim would be needing a lot of good food to get back to full strength by morning. Once he had the plate assembled he set it into the microwave and waited until he heard the water turn off before he started warming it up. After all, he didn’t want it to go cold _again_. 

As Slim walked upstairs to the bathroom he mentally kicked himself, _What the fuck are you doing jackass?? Edge is taken, so leave well enough alone and stop coming onto the guy._ Who was Slim kidding, first he had to stop coming _to_ the guy, literally and figuratively. Slim knew he was using the storm as an excuse to hang out with Edge, and he only prayed that Edge didn’t. Who could blame him though? With his fiery attitude, secret softness, razor sharp cheekbones, and those killer platforms, how was Slim supposed to NOT fall for the guy? Seriously, being that attractive _and_ unavailable had to be some kind of crime. 

Contrary to what he said downstairs, Slim ran the shower cold in the hopes it would get his mind off of the other skeleton. _Why did I even come here??? I’m just begging to betray Stretch’s friendship, and ruin any chance I might have with Edge at the same time. Great idea dumbass, lets go hang out with my best friend’s boyfriend all alone, late at night, while said friend is fucking 700 miles away. Fuck, I’m a moron I should just walk home and risk freezing to death, not like I’d be risking anything important. Just my life._

With that final self-deprecative thought Slim turned off the water, dried himself off, slipped on his ripped jeans and plum tank top, then went downstairs to see what Edge had heated up for him. _Shit…_ As Slim walked into the kitchen he saw what had to be the cutest thing in the multiverse. Edge had fallen asleep slumped against the table, his usually hard expression was now relaxed and open, his shark like teeth were parted slightly and his breathing was soft. Slim immediately whipped out his phone and snapped several pictures for later use, hating himself all the while. Once he had about a dozen pictures from every angle possible Slim put his phone away, walked back to the kitchen entrance and cleared his throat. Edge startled awake, “HUNNG?!? WHAT?! What? Oh… Hi Slim… Let me just…” Edge flushed bright red from being caught in such a vulnerable state, and started up the microwave. Meanwhile Slim wished he still had his phone out because damn... if he thought Edge was cute when he was sleeping. 

Both skeletons then sat down in awkward silence waiting for the microwave to finish. 

Edge shifted awkwardly in his seat, and Slim wasn’t sure if it was because he was still embarrassed or because he didn’t know what to say. One thing was for sure, and that was that Slim wished he was anywhere else but at Edge’s table. _Fuck he’s cute in that sweater, is that one Stretch gave him?... oh no… It's the one_ **_I_ ** _helped Stretch pick out for him..._ Upon realizing that Edge was wearing a hoodie indirectly selected by himself Slim’s cheekbones dusted a light purple. _I wonder what he’d look like in my hoo-_ Slim cut off that train of thought by shaking his head. _SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! Ok that's it, I'm going to finish eating and walk home, I can’t stay here any longer or I’ll do something I’ll regret._

At that same moment Edge presented Slim with a plateful of food, no doubt cooked by Edge himself earlier. “Thanks, and sorry for intruding on your evening like this.” he mumbled “You’re welcome bonehead, and don't worry about it. Honestly I’m glad you came…” at that Slim choked on his food a bit, “The house has been really quiet this past week with Stretch gone visiting Blue. We may not speak to each other very much unless Stretch is present, but I really don’t mind having you here, it's honestly just nice having someone around. You know?” 

Slim’s brain felt like it was about to short out, Edge wanted him here? He liked his company?? “Heh, y-yeah, I f-feel the same whenever Razz is o-out of the house on b-business tr-trips.” Slim paused to take another bite of food, “Running the bar h-helps some, but I miss having someon-one to talk to who isn’t t-too tipsy to stand.” The other skeleton chuckled at that, stood up and took away Slim's now empty plate. “Why don’t you go pick out a movie to watch or a puzzle to do or something? I’ll take care of the dishes and wipe down the table.” 

Slim shot Edge some finger guns and quickly walked to the DVD cabinet, _ok ok ok, so he wants to watch a movie… shit why aren’t I leaving???_ “UMM AC-ACTUALLY I-I WAS THINKING OF TRYING TO SHORTCUT HOME, I’M F-FEELING ALO-LOT BETTER A-AND…” Edge cut him off, “NONSENSE! I’M NOT LETTING YOU SHORTCUT WHILST INEBRIATED THAT'S DANGEROUS AND YOU KNOW IT.” 

“O-ok” _Well… I tried. Now what movie should we watch…_

Edge sighed as he made some popcorn for this little impromptu movie night he was apparently having. _Something’s up with Slim… why on earth would he even think of trying to shortcut home when he’s drunk?!? That’s like… the only rule my brother always followed, even when the risk seemed worth it he’d always rather lose a fight than shortcut drunk…_ Suddenly Edge realized something, _Is... Slim afraid of me? It would explain why his stutter gets so bad when I’m around. Why he never wants to be alone with me, why he’s always watching me… Shit, he’s scared of me. Not that I can blame him, being from a fell-verse I’d be more concerned if he_ **_weren’t_ ** _cautious around someone as dangerous as I am. But clearly I’ve done something wrong if he’s_ **_this_ ** _nervous. Shit, Slim is nice, I don’t want him to be scared of me… Maybe I should try being nicer?_ Just then the popcorn finished, signaled by the shrill beeping of the microwave, Steeling himself for any further awkwardness Edge grabbed the popcorn and headed to the other room to see what movie Slim had chosen. 

Halfway through “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” Edge conked out again, but this time was a little different. This time he was leaning on Slim. 

_shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitSHITSHITSHIT_ ** _SHIT!!!_** _How did this happen??? There we were having a grand ol’ time joking about the idiot humans in this movie but then we didn't talk for **five minutes** and then _**_this_** _narcoleptic piece of perfection falls asleep on me?!?! Ohh fuck…_ Upon being so close to Edge, a soft purple glow began to emanate from Slim’s soul, _Come on Slim! Just ignore it, watch the movie. Look! Idiot’s getting chainsawed HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,_

Slim’s internal panic was almost enough to distract him.

That is until Edge’s soul started glowing in return. It was a barely perceptible light, so faint the usually vibrant red almost appeared pink, emanating from within Edge’s ribcage. Upon seeing that light Slim’s mind was overrun with one thought. 

_T O U C H I T ._

Slim’s hand hovered just in front of Edge’s chest as that one though echoed through his skull for who knows how long.

Slim almost screamed at himself, **_WHAT THE FUCK! NO! I'M NOT TOUCHING HIS SOUL WHILE HE’S SLEEPING, THAT IS SO MANY LEVELS OF WRONG HOLY SHIT NO!_ **But even as he thought those words Slim found himself starting to reach under Edge’s sweater. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~** **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

He imagined a perfect world, one where Edge had fallen for him and not Stretch. He imagined what their life would be like together as he had a hundred times before. He imagined what Edge would look like beneath him as he had thousands of times before. How he might struggle at first, wanting to be the one on top. But Slim would trap his wrists above his head and press a passionate kiss to his teeth, shutting him up as his tongue practically smothered the other’s. How he would look flushed and panting as Slim caressed his bones like the treasures they were. Gently teasing the magic that would gather in his pubic arch until he formed a beautiful cherry red cunt, its translucent folds glistening with juice and looking oh so delectable. How his barely suppressed moans would sound as Slim’s fingers pumped in and out of his tight heat. How sweet yet spicy his juices would taste as his tongue explored it. How he’d fit inside of Edge as if the other were made for him. How as he climaxed he would shout his love for the other. And how he’d beg for more as Slim filled him with his hot cum. How Slim would lie back and Edge would mount his throbbing cock, Screaming in delight as he rode it like his life depended on it. How sweet edge would sound screaming his name as they climaxed together. how Edge would promise to be _his_ and his alone in the afterglow. And how Slim would make sure he **_kept that promise._ **

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ **

(To summarize: Slim has some... explicit fantasies about what his and Edge's life would have been like if Edge had fallen for Slim instead of Stretch. These thoughts are of a primarily sexual nature but towards the end he becomes concerningly possessive as well... yay.)

However, just before his hand reached the glowing organ within Edge's ribcage, Slim snapped out of his trance and made his decision. 

He clanked the other on the top of the skull, fixed his sweater, and took a shortcut home.

Edge was roused from his sleep by the feeling of his skull hitting the couch, he was about to investigate further but the pull of sleep was strong, so he ignored it. And passed out again. Oblivious to what almost transpired.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's my theory that Edge sleeps so little and works so hard that whenever he’s at home he will just pass out at random. It’s more likely to happen if he’s around someone he’s comfortable with or just alone for an extended period. Anyway, that's the only thing of note in this chapter.
> 
> Right?
> 
> Yeah…
> 
> That's it….
> 
> I’m sure.
> 
> Ps. This was the my first shot at writing Slim's introduction chapter, wow would THAT have been a poor introduction.


	9. Have You Heard Of Therapy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout of the last chapter

Slim was panicking. He’d been pacing his bedroom ever since he got home from Edge’s house.  _ What the fuck! What The Fuck?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?  _ **_WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?_ ** “AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa” Slim screamed into his pillow as loudly and violently as he could and began to cry. “Why can’t I just stop fucking everything up? Why can’t I be a good person? WHY CAN’T I JUST FORGET ABOUT HIMMMMAAAAAAAAARGGGG?!?!”

Slim was laying flat on his back with mulberry tears running down the side of his skull and staring at his ceiling ruminating on why he was such a piece of shit.

_ i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself, why didn't I stop sooner? I hate myself i hate myself i hate myself why didn’t Ieave sooner?! Ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself Why did I even go over there?? I hate myself so fucking much god I’m trash im shit i should just go die in a hole and let everyone else be happy instead of letting myself poison their happily ever after. Or maybe i could see if Puff’ll just kill me? Shove me off a cliff and save me some trouble and himself the lv. I suppose I could also just play hopscotch on the freeway blindfolded with my headphones in, a quick death I'd never see coming, over in an instant. Nah… I should probably suffer at least a little after the shit I pulled… right? Is this suffering? Does hating myself count? I do that all the time though so probably not. Maybe I should try running away? I could go as far away as possible, maybe join the italian mafia, meet a fat tony, kill a fat tony, then eventually die in a gang war and or prison cell. Seems fitting, but its a bit too complicated. I don’t have the attention span to pull that off. Plus how could I kill fat tony? He’s everybody's brutha. Maybe I’ll get lucky and someone will just kill me soon and then my problems will be gone… I’ll either be in heaven, hell, or floating forever unconscious in the void that is non existence, forever swaddled in an infinite cold and in inconceivable warmth. Just like being asleep, only forever. Just never thinking again as my energy becomes one with the rest of the universe turning into space dust or something. Shit that sounds cool. If only I deserved something like that, then I might have something to look forward to after I die. Instead it's probably just hell. Firey, pointy, painful hell. I wonder if Satan is gay? Maybe a woman? But would she be a hot woman? Fuck anyone as cool as Satan is hot by default, no matter their appearance. I’m getting off topic here. Im shit. fuck me, fuck my life, fuck anything ive ever done, and give good karma to anyone who's ever met me. lord knows they've probably sufferd enough because of it _

Slim lay there on his bed for the next few hours, his thoughts fluttering through his head like depressed butterflies high off ketamine. All the while Slim himself was bouncing between crying softly, and screaming into his pillow. Things continued in this manner till he eventually tired himself out and he lost consciousness. When he awoke a mere three hours later, he still felt like shit. So he went outside, and lit up a joint, fully prepared to find out if one could overdose on marijuana. As he breathed in the smoke a few times, he felt his thoughts cloud up and his anxieties melt away, he stopped hating himself for a bit and instead his brain was beautifully quiet. Halfway through his third stick, he pulled out his phone. There were a few messages from Stretch (boy was he not in the mood to open those) some from his brother that he could deal with later, and oddly enough one from the CreamPuff. Slim arched a brow and opened the message only to be met with a phone number and a short message underneath

Puff Daddy: 420-365-6969 Call them dummy.

In his stoned haze Slim was trying to remember why he should call this person and who they were, but eventually just said fuck it and diald the number. 

“Uuunnnng” a tired voice groaned from the other line, “Hello?” Slim took a moment to respond “Hi.” 

“Who is this? Are you aware that it’s four in the morning?” Slim blinked slowly “Hello?!? Is anyone even there? I swear if this is a prank call I'll have my brother trace the number and find your ass so I can come over there and kick it personally.” Slim stumbled over his words trying frantically to respond, “Sorry s-sorry!! This is Slim… Puff ga-gave me this number a-and told me t-to call you because you might be w-w-illing to help me out?” There was yet another long pause in conversation, “O-or not, that’s f-fine too, this was du-d-dumb, I’ll just hang u-up and leave you alo-”

“NONONONONO NO!” Slim held the phone far away from his ear as the other screamed, “Sorry. Don’t hang up. Puffs explained some of the situation but what's up? Why did you call?” Slim’s mind was racing a millimeter a minute due to his current state of non sobriety so all he could say to that was, “Wha..? sorry, I’m high… who are you?”

The other skeleton sighed tiredly, “I’m Cabernet. Look Slim. I have work in the morning and you seem to be unable to talk about anything right now, I’ll text you tomorrow and we’ll talk then, sound good hun?”

“Uhhh…. Sure?”

“Good, talk to you tomorrow.”

After that, slim spent the rest of the night in a weed coma playing Morrowind and toking up every time his feelings came back too strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slim participating in a good ol' fashioned bout of planning his own suicide/hoping for his murder along with a LOT of self depreciation. he's not in a good spot right now to say the least.
> 
> Meanwhile poor Cabernet is not a morning person. At all.


	10. Slim Jims Pair Well With Wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slim finally gets some form of help.

A knock at the door signaled Slim's arrival, so Cabernet did one final check to make sure everything was in order. The apartment was spotless, there were finger sandwiches on the coffee table, and hot water on the stove waiting to be made into tea. The stage was set, and all that was left to do was let him inside. 

Opening the door Cabernet was met with the textbook definition of disheveled skeleton. Slim was dressed in a stained purple tank top and cargo pants, he was also wearing an oversized black hoodie that reeked of weed. Fortunately Slim himself seemed relatively sober, though he also looked like he was hating every second of said sobriety. “Hello Slim! Come on in and have a seat, I’ll make you some tea.”

Slim sat awkwardly on the couch as the other prepared him a cup. _CreamPuff was right… He looks almost exactly like Edge… It's kinda creepy..._ He had the same shark-like grin, the same razor sharp cheekbones. Though there were differences, he had softer eye sockets, more akin to that of CreamPuff, and he was missing a tooth, having replaced it with a gold one. He was also a little taller than Edge, and his style was undeniably more feminine than the edgelords. Slim took in Cabernet’s attire. He was wearing a long dark grey skirt that cut off around mid calf, he paired it with a cranberry long sleeved shirt and a white scarf. The simple outfit may not have been impressive on anyone else, but somehow Cabernet made it look as if the ensemble belonged on a runway. 

Slim was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of a teacup clinking against the coffee table in front of him. “So!” The other started off, “It’s nice to finally meet you in person Slim, before we get down to business why don't we get to know one another? I’ll start, What are some of your hobbies?” Slim blinked a couple times as he forced his brain to words, “Uhhhh” _Great start dumbass._ “I l-like to grill, you should taste my m-m-maple barbeque sauce, it's insane!” Cabernet visibly relaxed into the other side of the couch as Slim went on and on about his grilling techniques. Eventually Slim ran out of things to say and finally asked Cabernet a question, “H-how did you m-meet Puff?” While Slim had already gotten the story from Puff, it never hurt to hear more than one perspective on the same story. “OH! That's an interesting story!”

Cabernet thought back to that day. Book Club had been pretty good as usual, though it was made even better by the absolute stud muffin of a skeleton that had shown up. He hadn’t said too much but when he did give his input it was interesting and insightful. Currently Cabernet was leaning against the outer wall of the library waiting for said stud muffin to exit so he could introduce himself without interrupting anyone’s reading. Speak of the devil here he comes, “Hey cutie!” Cabernet called after the other, “I would love to discuss this week's book further with you, want to grab a coffee and chat for a while?” The other seemed a little taken aback by his forward nature, but quickly recovered with a beaming smile and energetic tone, “That sounds lovely! I’m CreamPuff by the way, what’s your name?” 

“Cabernet, though you can call me Cabby if you want~” He may have been laying it on a little thick, but there was no way Cabernet was letting a catch like this slip through his phalanges, even if he only wound up being a one night stand, it’d be worth it to get this guy in bed. “I think I’ll stick with Cabernet, it’s classier and suits you better, If you wish, you may call me Puff though.” Said skeleton flushed cranberry at such a sweet compliment from the other. _Oh there is no WAY I’m letting this guy go until he fucks my brains out._

By the time they were leaving the coffee shop, it was late. The sun had set about an hour ago and there was a slight chill to the air. “Sooo, it’s kinda late…”

“Indeed, do you live far? I’d like to make sure you make it home before I leave you alone, weirdo’s come out at night after all!” Cabernet sighed, _what a gentleman_ , “I don’t live to far from here, just a ten minute walk or so”

“GREAT!” Puff started a brisk pace in the opposite direction of Cabernet's apartment building, “Wrong way hot stuff!” He giggled at the tangerine flush that dusted Puffs cheekbones, “ahem, Of course! Onward then!” He grabbed Cabernet’s wrist and pressed forward, dragging the shorter skeleton behind him as he went. 

Meanwhile Cabernet himself was smitten, _My goodness this guy is cute… He’s sweet, strong, and just a little goofy._ _All that aside, he’s smart too._ Cabernet recalled the complicated puzzle designs the other had described building back in his underground. _Forget a one night stand, I want to keep this guy around… maybe be friends with bennies if he’s open to it…_

They arrived at his apartment shortly, “Soo… I can't possibly let you walk home alone after you were so kind to accompany me, so why don’t you come inside and we’ll call you a cab.” Cabernet leaned in and whispered, “And maybe I can thank you for walking me home while we wait~” He grabbed the front of the others jeans , rubbing his thumb into his pubic arch making sure his intention was understood. Suddenly Cabernet’s world spun and he found himself being lifted off the ground and slammed against the wall of his apartment building, but in a decidedly unsexy way. Puff had one hand around his cervical vertebrae choking him while the other firmly held his wrist, keeping it far away from himself. After holding him there for a minute Puff finally spoke, his words coming out very slowly,

“Don’t. Touch. Me.”

Puff spoke softly but with an unmistakably threatening air. Just as suddenly as he had been pinned Cabernet found himself sliding down the wall gasping for air as the other pulled away, “Oh my goodness…. I’m so sorry… I-I just… Don’t like it when people… Oh god… I bet you hate me no-” Cabernet held up a hand as he coughed, “I-Its ok hun…" He smiled weakly, "I should have asked first. That one’s my fault. The offer still stands though, you can come in, I’ll make tea and we’ll wait for your cab.” Puff looked warily at the other, but he sensed that he was genuine. “I accept”

“So to summarize I tried to seduce him, he choked me out, and now we are besties!”

Slim gaped at the other, “Well Puff certainly skimped on the details when he told me THAT story… All I knew was that y'all met at a book club”

“Ha ha! Yeah, I’ll admit… I got a little ahead of myself that night, I totally deserved to be knocked down a peg or two. I’m glad that he forgave me though, I treasure our friendship. But in all honesty... I still wanna be pegged by the guy,” He sighed dreamily… “I bet that tall fucker is hung like a horse… But I will respect his wishes and refrain from coming onto him any more than I already have.”

Slim stared wide socketed at the skeleton across from him. “Teach me your ways.” 

“Heh… What?” Slim leaned forward excitedly, “How in Hades do you just let go of a crush like that?!?!? I’m fucking trying my hardest and yet I still almost…” He went quiet and looked away from the other.” 

Cabernet decided that it was time to stop playing games and get down to business. “Slim, why are you here? Yes Puff explained your… predicament but I want to hear it from you.” The other flushed a lavender hue as he went back to staring into his tea, “I-I was joking when I said it… but I asked Puff if he knew any hookers who look like Edge, that I could hire to get my… issues out of my system… He gave me your number and said you could help. He also said he’d murder me if I hurt you in any way…” Slim made a point of leaving off the part where he had basically gone to CreamPuff to see if HE would be willing to help on that front. “I was really desperate so I held onto the number he gave me” 

“Heh, interesting story… But that doesn’t answer my question, so I’ll rephrase. What prompted you to finally give me a call?” 

“Uhhhh…” Slim took a long sip of tea, “OK, I’ll tell you but it's a long story and you can’t comment till I’m done ok?” Cabernet’s tone took on a slightly confused air, “Ok, I won't comment till you’re done.

With that Slim told him the story of that night, how he wanted to leave, but couldn’t convince his body to co-operate. How he snapped those pictures of Edge sleeping, and finally how he was a mere hair's breadth away from touching Edge’s soul while he slept. The entire time Cabernet’s expression remained blank, he paid attention and seemed to be absorbing every word Slim spoke. And he hated it. Slim wanted to forget about that night, he wanted to move on, He wanted to just be better. But that wasn't an option. Finally Slim finished his story, there was a long pause where neither skeleton said anything.

“Well shit…” Cabernet started off, “Have you been to therapy bro? Cause I think you could use a good bit of therapy.” Slim released a breathy laugh, he appreciated that Cabernet was trying to lighten the mood a little. "Seriously though, You’ve got some issues you need to work out, and honestly getting laid could fix a few of them right off the bat.” Slim gawked at the other’s blunt words, “How would that help? Wouldn't it just make things worse like jacking it did?” 

Slim was met with a finger waggle, “Nope! See the way monsters are built, they need some kind of close physical proximity to other monsters on a regular basis. Being from a fellverse I’ll just assume that you and your bro don’t cuddle up too much. Being deprived of the physical affection that you require has caused your magic to start seeking it out in more and more extreme ways. Your crush on Edge has almost nothing to do with this, but it will be easier to let go of that crush once your entire body stops screaming for physical attention.” 

Slim was speechless, “A quick fuck would be the fastest way to “refill your meter” so to speak. But you could also just cuddle with someone for a few hours a day and it would have the same effect within a week or so” 

Slim blushed a deep mulberry as he prepared to ask a question he really didn’t want to, “Uhhh… I don’t really… I mean I don’t… Would you…. Uhhhh” Cabernet rolled his eyelights and leaned forward, “I’d be happy to… Help you out if that's what you want.” He crawled forward on the couch till he was looming over the other, “Yes you're a bit short but… Size doesn’t matter much anyway.” Slim was glowing now, his entire face alight with deep purple embarrassment as he tried to process the skeleton currently whispering in his acoustic meatus, “UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…..” Cabernet backed off a bit, “Of course I'm also happy to help you out with cuddles if you aren't comfortable with that. Whatever you think would help most, I’m pretty flexible.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, Ive spent the past two days at work thinking about this fic, I HAVE SO MANY HEADCANNONS AND NOWHERE TO SHARE THEM. 
> 
> Please ask me questions about my skele-boys. my brain is full to bursting with little tid-bits that don't fit naturally into the story and I want to SHARE THEM.
> 
> Also Cabernet while not necessarily horny on main, he's almost always dtf.


	11. Chapter 11

Sooo… How’d it go? 

Puff was currently mixing noodle batter for his latest batch of spaghetti. After he’d made it to the surface and got access to their myriad of cooking shows He’d discovered that glitter and violence did not a good pasta dish make. So while Puff happily continued lessons with Undyne, they were mostly just so he could spend time with one of his best friends. 

“Oh Puffy… You know I don’t kiss and tell~” Cabernet purred from his position at the kitchen table. He was embroidering his latest commissioned piece, that being a denim jacket with wings and a halo on the back… very original, but he’d make it stand out if it killed him. “Nyeh-heh-heh! That's not what I meant and you know it. Did you manage to get Slim back on the straight and narrow?” 

“Pfft- Only in the most literal sense, poor kid just needed more hugs.”

“THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HIS BROTHER!!!” Puff punched the noodle dough angrily resulting in a puff of flower coating his front, “BUT DID HE LISTEN??? NOOoooOOO, HE WAS READY TO LET HIS BABY BRO GO FULL INCEL LIKE WHA-” Suddenly, Puff found his chest being wrapped in Cabernets arms as he was hugged from behind. “Hey, its ok,” He squeezed the other gently, “If these sans’ won’t raise their brothers properly we’ll just have to do it for em’ no big deal” Puff sighed as he relaxed into the hug, allowing Cabernet to support his full weight as he leaned into the other, “yeah… I know, it’s just… Frustrating, ya know? Seeing anyone be left to their own devices in times of need is… it’s just…”

“Awww, ya big softie. Don’t worry your handsome little skull ok? I’m sure no sans would let things get  _ that  _ bad, They just have a tendency to step in at the last moment and do a slipshod job to boot”

“Oh I feel so much better.” Puff teased, “Now let me go you little limpet! There’s pasta to be made!”

As Cabernet released the other and began retreating back to the table, he found himself being scooped up into one of Puff’s famously bone-crushing bear hugs. “GAAAK~ Puff!!” 

“Thank you again for helping him out, I knew something had to be done but I didn’t know  _ what _ , and no one else seemed to even notice the problem. I seriously owe you one” Cabernet struggled in the other’s iron grip, lamenting the fact that his clothes were now covered in flower. “Hey, HEY!! It’s ok bud, don't sweat it”

The larger’s eyes were currently glistening with over dramatic orange tears as he swung the other from side to side, “NO! I must sweat it, whatever can I do to repay you? Oh dearest of compatriots?!?” 

“Maybe start by putting me down?” A thoroughly disoriented Cabernet responded woozily. “Hmm, yes a good start indeed,” Puff gingerly lowered him, watching intently as Cabernet promptly slumped to the floor overtaken by dizziness. “Oops… Sorry Cabby, I think I took it a little too far this time” The other giggled from his spot on the floor, covered in second hand flower and still wobbly, “It’s fine, Been a while since someone swept me off my feet and reduced my legs to jelly like that.”

“Pfft- are you trying to pun?”

“More like wordplay, but yeah.” The two laughed together, enjoying the warmth of each other's company.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  


Slim was feeling much better, His talk with Cabernet had helped him a lot. Now that he knew what was wrong, he could start enacting a plan to fix it. Things started small, he’d stand closer to his friends when they hung out, and he did his best not to discourage his more tactile friends from getting close. At first it was a bit weird, he wasn’t used to this kind of platonic physical contact but after a while he began to welcome it. Nowadays his attraction to Edge was way easier to handle. Being in the same room no longer caused him to sweat profusely and his stutter barely manifested itself around the prickly skeleton.

His relationship with Edge became much less awkward as a result, and now he was proud to admit that they were real friends as opposed to awkward acquaintances. The day he’d been able to delete those stolen photos of Edge was definitely a turning point. Slim was now determined to keep himself in check and banish all creepy habits from his life. Slim now found that he could be genuinely happy for Stretch and Edge, finding their relationship absolutely adorable, rather than as an obstacle in the way of the quickest route into Edge’s pants.

Things were better with Stretch as well. He finally felt like he had his best friend back, no longer having his mind clouded with jealousy; his friendliness felt real for the first time in a while. 

Slim thought back to that night at Cabernet’s house, how understanding he’d been, how… accommodating.

_ “You’re sure this is ok?” he asked tentatively. It had been so long since he’d been close to another monster in this way, he wanted to make sure the other was able to enjoy it too. “Well.. If I’m honest, you could move your leg a little… It’s digging into my side.” _

_ “Oh.. Sure.” Slim currently had his entire body wrapped around Cabernet clinging to him as if he were the last life-saver on the Titanic. As they cuddled something loosened in Slim, it was almost like his soul had been perpetually clenched and was only now releasing its tension. He gently purred into Cabernet’s side, promising himself that he’d repay the other for this… Somehow. _

Currently, Slim was shopping for a thank you gift. Cabernet had done so much for him, It felt wrong not to show his gratitude in some way. Food seemed like the best gift, but what kind? Maybe an edible arrangement? Fancy cake? Tiramisu? OH! Yes, It is decided, he’s getting a box of assorted pastries, and it will definitely include tiramisu.

Walking to the bakery was nice, the day was young and the air was fresh, fluffy clouds decorated the sky and the sun shone brightly above his skull. The streets themselves were their usual… interesting selves. People walking to and fro, on their way to unkowable places to do indeterminable things. All with their own worries and balms, living lives so deeply complex to know them all would be an impossible task. Colorful shoes and pants distracted from the littier ridden sidewalks, scattered with an assortment of unsavory things.

But used needles aside things were looking pretty ok.


End file.
